Updated: May 25
This is a summary of the INNER COSMETICS Podcast "The Four Steps To Enlightment"
Everyone knows it all. We just don’t know it all at one time. Be confident in what you know..be open to learning more. Sometimes we feel we'll never know enough to help someone. At one time I felt that way too! Anything new and exciting is also a gray area where all unlimited possibilities exist.
Your Right To Have It All
Before delving into how to become aware of your bad habits, this brief interjection is worth the reminder: You CAN have it all. Sometimes we feel there's this limited amount of something based on the rational of our consciousness (e.g. "limited amounts of money, success etc). There are no limits…the only lack comes from within.
When you change that perspective about yourself…you realize you're unlimited and are worthy of all the world has to offer. Often our disempowering belief are introduced from childhood. As a kid, our father would say “ rich people haven’t done honest things to get the beautiful homes and cars they have". Now what he was saying was out of love...and from his own belief that it took dishonesty to bring forth wealth.
Understanding a lot of your beliefs have a childhood connection, we must first understand the word “sub-conscious”. Subconscious is when you don't have to think about what it is you're doing…you're on autopilot. And how to become of aware of that. Which brings us to...
The Different Levels of Awareness:
First Level: Subconsciously Incompetent: a person that doesn’t know that they don’t know.
For example: A woman could be in an unhealthy relationship. One unhealthy relationship after the other. She's on auto-pilot: breaking up with one, only to meet the same version of her ex....just a different different vessel.
Second Level: Consciously Incompetent: a person who is aware that they do not know.
An example for this could be someone desiring to recover from alcohol substance abuse. Someone who wishes to recover from substance abuse is aware the substance isn't a good choice for them. It doesn't necessarily mean s/he takes action to curb the behavior.
Third Level: Consciously Competent: you’re aware of what's good BUT if you don't pay attention to what you're doing, you can easily slip back into consciously incompetent.
Fourth Level: Subconsciously Competent: You are at a level where things are happening so organically…you’ve been practicing the art of allowing. You’re allowing life to flow. Where one might identify a "negative" a situation as contrast, you see it as opportunity. You allow things to be what they are and simply appreciate it. Anyone observing you will think you’re doing magic.
How To Become Aware of Being Unaware
So just how do you level up from being subconsciously incompetent? Because it’s kinda like, you don’t know what you don’t know...
It's called desires. One of the things that will never stop happening in life, is momentum and desires. Those are things that make us want to live. It’s not being greedy. It's who we are as humans no matter what level we’re at. We’re always looking for the next best thing. If you’re put into a 10 foot room, you’ll be good for awhile...before you're desiring a 20 foot space...a 30 foot space. It's the beautiful way life is.
In the spiral of going through experiences, you will become aware that you’re doing and experiencing things over and over... For some people it takes losing everything. For another it might take losing just one thing. Everyone is unique. There WILL be something that makes you ask “why does this keep happening to me?” DING DING. And there it is. You have now graduated from being subconsciously incompetent to desiring to be consciously incompetent because you’re now aware of a pattern. You might keep doing the same thing…but now you are AWARE.
Breaking the Pattern
It’s simple to do…but it’s not easy.
Personal Story: I always seemed to find myself in an emotionally abusive relationship. The last one so bad in fact it resulted in me being taken to the hospital. Frustrated, I asked myself the diamond question that propelled me into a elevated level two of awareness: "Why do I keep meeting these type of men. Why does this always happen to me?".
One step in this process is being accountable for the role we play. Yes, it could sound harsh...what role could I possibly play in allowing men to abuse me? But I began to realize, from beliefs and practices in my childhood, that I always felt the need to please a man. I was too afraid of losing their love if I stood up for myself. And it's because I never learned what it meant to fully love me. I was seeking love and approval from another human, when that level of love must come from within. And when you embrace and dance in this level of love, you will never lower it's depths. The world calls this "boundaries."
But what's a lesson without a test? Soon after this breakup, the Universe sent another man into my life. But now that I was consciously incompetent, I saw the early signs and indicators and chose not to entertain the relationship. Simple but not easy.
I would literally cry myself to sleep. Desiring to reach out to the new guy, afraid that he would think of me as a bitch who was too high on her horse. Feely hurt for how he must feel totally crushed that I wouldn't entertain a second date. It was literally like weaning myself from an addiction... it hurt. But now that I was aware of the part I played, I was committed to creating a new pattern for myself. I needed time to learn to love me.
When you're making the choice to break a pattern of behavior that no longer serves you, only leave room for kindness. Forgive yourself first. Understand the voice in your head is, was, merely repeating patterns. Your mind doesn’t like change but it LOVES habits.
What we’re sharing is recognizing those patterns that don’t serve you anymore. Release it, let it go.
You're a jet. It's time to take off. Understanding there will be some tremors along the way...but you don’t have to land…just elevate.